


God Knows We're Worth It

by deancastiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Torture, demon!Jimmy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 12:15:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/824204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deancastiel/pseuds/deancastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas find themselves facing something far more vicious than a normal demon. And a lot more familiar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	God Knows We're Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> The reason behind the title is that I listened to that song about 50 times while writing this fic...apparently it inspires my inner sadist.

The sight of an angel strung up and bleeding is extreme in any case. But it just so happened that this is a particular angel.

“Cas!” Dean screamed, struggling against his bonds. The rusty shackles bit into the hunter’s wrists and ankles as he pulled with all his human strength against them.

Cas gritted his teeth against the blade that glided with a wet sound between his ribs. Suddenly it was a lot harder to breathe and he’s coughing reflexively. A wet copper taste entered his mouth and he attempted to spit it out, determined to not make a sound. But that damn blade dug deeper and he cried out at the unexpected movement.

Below him was a pool of blood but he refused to make the connection between the blood and himself. The bigger problem is the blue light that was streaming from puncture wounds all over his body. The light lit up the abandoned barn into a dull radiance. Deep shadows were thrown in the corners but Dean had to squint as he desperately pulled towards Cas.

His attempts to free himself earned him a choked cry as the blade re-entered Cas’ body.

“No, no, God no. Please….pl-please take me.” Dean begged, the chains holding him clanking lowly as he shifted and pulled at them.

“Dean, no.” Cas rasped and somehow sounded stern even with a knife in his ribcage.

“How fucking touching.” The figure holding the blade sneered, its ugly voice coming from an equally ugly face.

“What do you want…with him?” Dean spat out. The question meant another wound for Castiel and Dean’s nostrils flared as his anger began to rise in him.

“Oh well, I’ve never really liked angels.” A gasp from Cas as the knife cut into him again, “Also, Castiel here sent me to Hell with his own two hands.”

“That’s not tr…AH!” Castiel was cut off as the creature’s claws dug into his cheeks.

“Hush, pet. I didn’t say you could talk.” Cas groaned in pain as the creature released his face.

“Who are you?” Dean demanded, his voice laced with venom.

“Actually you know me pretty well, well, that is you know my body.”

“Jimmy?”

The creature grinned, if you could even call that twist of teeth and skin a grin, “Bingo.”

“That’s not possible.” Cas gasped out.

“Oh but it is. You sent me there, Castiel.”

Cas shook his head infinitesimally but Jimmy grabbed him roughly, claws digging into Cas’ skin. Cas flinched but looked Jimmy straight in the eyes, “I never meant to hurt you I…”

Ugly laughter filled the barn and cuts Castiel off, “You didn’t MEAN to? Well then, in that case, why don’t I just let you run free in MY FUCKING MEAT SUIT.”

Cas coughed violently as Jimmy clutched his throat.

“Jimmy don’t! Cas!” Dean cried out, feeling utterly fucking useless as he pulled at the chains, inevitably dislocating his right shoulder. But he kept pulling.

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t supposed to end up like this…” The angel choked out as his lungs begin to burn.

“That is irrelevant, Castiel. You see, I spent the equivalent of 120 years in Hell. It does things to a man.” With that he tightened his grip and Castiel’s vision began to tunnel.

“J…Jimmy. I can m-make this right.” Cas struggled to speak against the hands that held him, “I can give you your body back.”

That haunting laughter filled the space again and when Jimmy spoke he sounded frantic, “You think that will change anything? I’m so beyond saving, Castiel. My soul is a charred remain of what it used to be. I feel no love, no sympathy. Only anger, sadness, and pain. And the only thing that will make me happy is watching the light fade from your eyes.”

“No!” Dean can’t stop himself from speaking and he regrets it instantly. Because his words meant Castiel will soon be in pain. But to his surprise Jimmy released Cas and walked over to him.

“No? Well you did say you wanted to be in Castiel’s place.” Dean’s eyes flashed with anger as Jimmy approached him but he clamped his mouth shut against the coming pain.

A huge blow to the side of his head sends him near the edge of consciousness. He’s had some good K-O’s in his time but this one hit sends him spinning. He can’t seem to stop the way the room wavers and wobbles.

“Dean! Don’t, please.”

Cas’ voice seems far away like he is at the other end of an empty room. The ringing in Dean’s ears subsides enough that he realized Jimmy is talking to him.

“You know you and I aren’t too different, Dean Winchester. You and I were both on the rack. And Alistair? Remember him? The way he would pull our bodies apart piece by piece all the while asking if we wanted to be released. And it took you 30 years. You’re a legend down under. The Righteous Man withstood 30 years. Most people break in the first 5 or so. But you, you were stubborn and stuck to your guns.”

Jimmy slid his knife under Dean’s chin and forced him to look up. He stood there for a moment, studying Dean with his bone-chilling stare. He seemed to find what he was looking for and he released Dean’s chin so his head lolls slightly.

“I broke in 10 years, y’know. I believed that Castiel would come for me. Or God would bring salvation because I was his dedicated servant. But no one came. So I slowly began to realize that I was alone. No one was coming for me.”

“We didn’t know,” Cas rasped, his head lolling forward as energy slowly left his body, “If we had we would have come looking for you…”

“Well it’s too late for that now isn’t it!” Jimmy snapped, turning to glare at the angel.

“Don’t punish him for something he knew nothing about.” Dean spit out. That earned him another blow but this time it was to his dislocated shoulder and he saw stars. His vision tunneled more but he refused to let it consume him.

“Dean, you fool, shut your mouth.” Cas hissed as Jimmy circled him like a predator circling its prey.

“You know I think that the worst thing I could do would be to hurt you. You are the Righteous Man after all.”

“No…” Cas’ voice faltered as he watched in horror.

Dean returned Jimmy’s glare as he spit out some of the blood clogging his mouth. Jimmy’s glare became enraged and he bent down to grab the collar of Dean’s jacket. He yanked him up to his feet so they were eye to eye.

“What’s so special about you, huh? Not a man, not a demon, not an angel. What are you Dean Winchester?”

Dean ground his teeth to keep from making a smart ass remark. He settled for continuing to glare at Jimmy.

“Why is Castiel so dead set on keeping you alive? Who are you to him?” Jimmy was talking to himself now, pondering the different options.

Cas could only pray that he didn’t put it together. Because that would mean the end of Dean Winchester and the angel Castiel. If he knew the real reason why Castiel had denied heaven and plunged into the depths of Hell to save Dean then he would kill them both there was no doubt in Castiel’s mind.

“Why, why, why?” Jimmy chanted, still watching Dean.

Dean broke their eye contact to look at Cas who met his look. Cas shook his head infinitesimally, a warning. Dean nodded slightly and took a deep breath, turning his gaze back to Jimmy.

“Ever thought it’s because he likes me better than you?”

Jimmy’s nostrils flared and a hand struck Dean on the side of his head. Black spots bloomed across his vision but he struggled back to consciousness.

“He didn’t look for you because he didn’t care.”

Another blow to the head as Jimmy screeched in fury.

“The one person you believed in abandoned you.”

“Dean!” Cas struggled against the binding spell that was weakening him. At this rate Dean would get himself killed.

Another blow to Dean, causing him to spit blood. Jimmy was incoherent in his wrath as he held Dean in a death grip.

“But I’ll make you a deal,” Dean gasped, “A fight. I’ll fight you to the death. Winner gets the angel.”

“Dean no,” Cas breathed, a horrible feeling settling in his stomach, “You’ll die.”

Dean looked over Jimmy’s shoulder to Cas and winked, “No worries.”

Jimmy pondered this for a moment before releasing Dean who clattered to the floor. He grunted in pain as his shoulder shifted.

“Fine.”

Dean looked up at Jimmy and smiled.

“Good. Now take these damn chains off of me.”

Jimmy hesitated before releasing Dean from the shackles. Dean rubbed his wrists before bracing his right arm between his legs and placing his left hand on his right shoulder. A sickening crack and a litany of curses later Dean’s shoulder was relocated. He rubbed it, willing the pain to go away.

Jimmy looked anxious and he bent into a ready position. Dean circled slowly before setting himself in front of Cas. He lowered his body into a fighting stance, his eyes trained expertly on the monster before him.

The familiar weight of his demon knife pressed into his ankle and his fingers twitched towards it.

“Dean—don’t…” Cas rasped, his voice wrecked.

“Don’t worry about me.” Dean said confidently, throwing an ironic smile over his shoulder. There was a soft shuffling sound and Cas looked down to see Dean scratch away a corner of the seal with his heavy boot.

Cas instantly looked up to Jimmy who seemed as anxious as ever. His exposed muscle twitched in anticipation as he watched Dean with wolf like precision. Cas didn’t like that at all. But he knew he had to wait until the right moment to attack.

“What’s the matter, Winchester? Scared?”

“You wish.”

Then Jimmy was in motion, his large body lightning fast as he lunged towards Dean. Dean dodged it lithely, crouching and spinning in one motion to keep Jimmy in front of him. Jimmy screeched in anger as he turned, claws coiled and ready to grab at any part of Dean they could.

Again Jimmy rushed Dean, his large form darkening the light for a moment as he ran. Dean quickly leaned down to grab the knife from his boot before charging as well. At the last moment he flashed the knife, catching Jimmy in the side.

There was a grating squeal as Jimmy clutched his side, red light flickering from the wound along with a sickening sizzling sound.

“You can’t use a weapon!” Jimmy hissed.

“You never specified.” Dean quipped, twirling the knife between his fingers.

Jimmy narrowed his eyes and set his stance once more, even angrier than before. He obviously was imagining ripping Dean apart piece by piece. And Dean knew this. He had been counting on it.

So when Jimmy rushed him again he held the knife at the ready, standing his ground until the last possible moment. When Jimmy was almost upon him he lunged forward, tackling the monster low and hard. Both fell hard to the ground and Jimmy’s head cracked against the solid earth. Dean landed on his shoulder and had to bite his lip from crying out.

Cas saw this and struggled against the chains. If he was going to help he would have to harness all the energy he could. Or take it from another source. And suddenly he had an idea. His eyes zeroed in on Dean who was still on the floor. 

_**Dean.**_

_Holy shit! Cas?_

_**Yes. I have an idea.**_

_We can communicate telepathically?_

_**All angels can communicate this way. Now listen. I have an idea but you have to say yes.**_

_Whatever it is yes. Yes._

_**But Dean-**_

_We don’t have time to wait! We’re going to be turned into Jimmy chow if you don’t do something!_

_**Right.**_

While they had talked Jimmy had recovered and was now leaning over Dean. Dean realized this too late. He moved to defend himself but there was suddenly a clawed hand in his gut.

“Dea, no!!”

Jimmy grinned menacingly, pulling his hand back. Dean coughed, his knife falling from his hand as he moved to clutch his stomach which now contained a large gash and was bleeding profusely.

Blood began to trickle from Dean’s mouth as his energy slowly left him. He fell back, unable to hold himself up. His vision began to fade but he kept his eyes trained on Castiel.

And then something strange happened. The barn lit up like the sun. Exploding with white light that chased away any hint of darkness. There was a loud keening sound and Dean realized through his stupor that it was Jimmy.

Dean squinted against the light, trying to find Castiel in the brightness. And then something emerged from the radiance. It wasn’t human. It was humanoid in stature but seemed to be enlongated. It had no face, only a smooth surface that was only interrupted by two eyes made of the blue-white light.

Dean marveled at this beautiful creature and watched as out of the corner of his eye Jimmy cowered in fear and pain, howling as his skin seemed to evaporate. Until he was no more. He was gone.

Dean looked back to the creature and his mouth fell open in an attempt to speak, “C…Cas?”

The creature didn’t move but the energy in the barn seemed to answer Dean with an affirmative. With that answer Dean felt the darkness close in around him.

The next few days or weeks, Dean wasn’t sure how long it was, were torture. He was unconscious for most of it but he could occasionally hear talking. He knew Sam’s voice instantly.

“Is he going to live?”

And then a voice Dean didn’t recognize.

“We’re not sure yet. He has quite a few injuries. But we’re doing our best.”

Dean would have laughed at that typical doctor answer if had been able to. But as it was he was trapped in this darkness which was awfully numb and lonely. And cold. The darkness was everywhere. No matter how far he searched the darkness was always there.

Then another voice.

“Dean.”

Dean would have exulted if he had been able to. It was Cas. He was alive.

“Dean I’m so sorry. I was too late to keep him from hurting you.”

No! It’s not your fault! Dean wanted to yell but he was agonizingly pinned down by this strange emptiness.

After that the darkness seemed to stretch on forever. He tried to find some way to count the passing of time. But there was nothing, no noises or lights. So he was stuck in this limbo.

He dreamed during this time. Though he wasn’t sure if that was technically what it was called. But memories flashed, lighting up his dark prison momentarily.  
A picnic in July, a car ride with his father, holding Sammy for the first time. The first time he met Cas.

They flashed briefly then left him in the dark again. He struggled to bring them back but it only ended with him being frustrated.

It went on like this for a long time, weeks it felt like.

And then 567 memories later there was a change.

Sound again. A slow beep and whir. A heart monitor. At least some of his brain still worked. He focused on the sound and heard something else. A soft whooshing noise. Someone’s here with me. He realized and he pushed at the ambiguity of the darkness, trying desperately to reach out.

The blackness snapped back like a rubber band and the sounds were gone. He wanted to scream and rip his hair out in frustration but all he could do was be.

349 memories later something changed again. There were sounds again. The same beeping and whirring sound of the heart monitor again but there was something else. Whispering? The soft sound of two people talking reached him.

“Cas you look terrible. You’ve been here for days. Maybe you should leave for a little while, just get out. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”

Cas? Cas had been sitting here with him? There was the soft squeak of someone getting out of a chair. And footsteps slowly fading. And then Sam was talking to him.

“Dean? Hey…heh…this is weird. I don’t even know if you can hear me but, well, what the hell.”

Sam paused for a moment and Dean wanted to tell him not to stop talking. To say something else.

“Look. You were beaten up pretty bad. You were barely breathing when we brought you here,” Sam choked softly on the words and cleared his throat, “But the doc said you might pull through.”

Sam’s voice changed and he turned desperate, “Dean, man, you have to get better. You have to fight. Because Cas is a mess. I mean like, a real mess. I didn’t think it was possible for an angel to break but I think he is. And me. I need you, man. You can’t leave me with all this shit. I need your help.”

Sam choked again and took a moment to regulate his breathing. Suddenly Dean could feel something touching him in the darkness where he guessed his hand would be.

“You have to get better. We need you up here man.”

Dean felt the familiar sensation of the darkness pulling him down and he struggled against it, using all of his energy to push and shove against the numbness but it crashed down on him.

The next stretch of time was silent and dark. The memories were gone, the sounds, the touches, everything. Dean struggled to stay in the darkness. He could feel something much more permanent beginning to suck him in and he knew instinctually that he had to avoid that at all costs.

He knew that darkness was the end of all darknesses.

And he wouldn’t leave Sam. He couldn’t leave Cas.

So he fought. He pushed and wrestled and fought at the darkness, clawing his way back to the sounds and memories.  
Each push earned him a little ground. And so he pushed harder and suddenly he could hear the heart monitor again. And the soft breathing again. Another shove. The pressure of someone holding his hand. Another heave and there was light.

Blessed light.

It banished the darkness violently. Sending it back into the recesses of Dean’s mind. And Dean could see the light forming into shapes. They began to shift and move until he made the conscious decision to open his eyes.

He was greeted by the harsh whiteness of a hospital room. The whitewashed walls blended with the white tile floors and the uncomfortable smell of bleach reached his nose. And yet it was wonderful. Because he could smell. So he took a huge breath, letting the smell burn in his nose.

“Dean…Dean?!”

Dean turned his head weakly to see Cas next to him. Instantly Cas was standing next to him, his fingers brushing gently along Dean’s face.

“Dean can you hear me?”

“Yeah. Hey, Cas.” His voice was completely wrecked. Like he’d been in the desert for years.

Cas nearly collapsed in relief and an honest to god smile spread across his lips. And he leaned in to press their foreheads together.

“ I thought I had lost you.”

“Nah, you can’t get rid of me.” The joke was a lot less impressive in his chain smoker voice.

Cas let out an exhausted laugh before pulling back abruptly, “If you ever pull a stunt like that, so help me, I will end you myself.”

“We got him didn’t we?”

“Yes but almost at your expense. You truly are an idiot.”

Dean smiled but it hurt and he winced.

“You are still healing. Jimmy nearly killed you.”

“Jimmy…” Dean pondered for a moment, the memories slowly coming back, “is he?”

Cas nodded curtly, his expression back to its normal stoniness, “I killed him.”

Dean shuddered at the venom in Cas’ voice. He could be scary when he wanted to be.

“Then that was you. The whole white light number?”

Cas nodded again, “That was my true form. To be honest I’m surprised I didn’t burn your eyes from their sockets.”

“Yeah you fried Jimmy pretty crispy.”

“I decimated him.”

“Geez, Cas. Why’d you do that?”

“He was going to kill you.”

The answer was simple and yet Dean could feel that there was a profound meaning behind the words. Like Cas had just confessed something to him.

“You didn’t have to obliterate him.”

Cas turned away from Dean, his stature rigid. He seemed to take a deep breath before looking out the window to the parking lot.

“Dean I don’t think you understand. If you were to die...”

Dean didn’t say a word as Cas struggled for words. In fact he seemed to be holding his breath.

“I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Cas finished and Dean let the air out of his lungs. Despite himself warmth began to spread through him. Had Cas really just said that? Because that was a hell of a lot bigger than ‘Hey I like you.’ Or ‘You’re my best friend.’

This was venturing into the realm of…of…oh god. Dean felt himself blanch at the word ‘love’. It hit him like a freight train and suddenly the heart monitor was beeping wildly. Cas turned quickly, his eyes worried.

“Dean?”

“I’m fine,” Dean panted, still completely weak, “Just gimme a moment.”

Cas watched anxiously as Dean tried to catch his breath. The monitor slowly went back to its normal beeping and Cas only relaxed slightly. Dean sat in silence, trying to process what he had just heard. Had Cas really meant that he loved him? Like a brother…or more? As a friend? Or something else?

Dean felt like he was short circuiting as he tried to grasp the concept that an angel may or may not be in love with him.

“Dean? Are you alright?”

“Yeah…I’m,” Dean took a deep breath before looking at Cas, “When you say you wouldn’t know what to do if I were gone, you mean…?”

“I would cease to find meaning in most things, earthly or otherwise. You have become the main reason for my existence.”

Yup. That was definitely a love confession. Dean tried to keep from hyperventilating as Cas’ gaze made him feel like he was on display.

“Well I…that’s just,”

“I don’t expect you to respond.”

“I know that.”

Cas sat silently as he always did, watching Dean with those wide blue eyes. And while he did Dean realized something. He felt the same.

If Cas were gone he would be lost. He would have Sam but it was different. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself. He would be beside himself.

All those nights he prayed to Cas made sense now. He had actually needed him to be there. He felt like part of him was missing if Cas wasn’t there. And any time he wasn’t there he worried the whole time. If he was okay or if he was getting himself in trouble.

So it clicked.

“Me too.” He whispered.

“What?”

“Me too, Cas. I don’t know what I would do if you were gone.” Dean didn’t meet Cas’ gaze. He stared intently at the white bed sheets as if he could sink into them and disappear.

“Dean,” Cas said, his voice strained. Dean automatically looked up and Cas was looking at him. But he was smiling softly, “You have made me so happy.”

Dean’s ears flushed crimson. He had never been one for this wishy-washy feel good crap. But when Cas looked at him so adoringly he melted.

“Yeah…” Dean started but he was cut off.

The kiss was soft and sweet. Just a light brush of lips. And Cas’ lips were wide and inviting as they pressed against Dean’s. Dean found himself closing his eyes and he let himself melt into the kiss. Because for some reason he suddenly felt whole. It was such a girly notion to be completed by a kiss. But he honestly felt as though some gap in his heart he hadn’t known about had been filled.

Too soon the kiss was over and he opened his eyes slowly, feeling the burn of his blush tingling in his ears and on his cheeks.

“Your blush makes your freckles stand out.” Cas stated simply and Dean rolled his eyes.

“You ruined the moment.”

“I didn’t. I simply stated that…”

“Yeah, yeah. Just kiss me again before I come over there.”

Cas’ lips twisted up into his approximation of a smile and he leaned forward again to push their lips together.


End file.
